Author Topic: Complaining  (Read 1512 times)

Offline Shelly

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Complaining
« on: September 26, 2013, 01:27:15 PM »
Since moving back into our fixer upper home, complaining has been a major problem area for me.  There have been many times where we had to do without some of our basic needs being met.  I complained...a lot.  I'm still complaining.  I need to stop.  Not only does it make me dwell on the things I cannot change and sours my mood, it also makes my husband feel badly when there is nothing he can do about it either.  It also affects my childrens' moods.

I'm reminded of the story we read about in Exodus where Moses is leading the people through the "great and terrible wilderness" and the people complain over and over again to him.  One verse stands out to me the most: "And Moses said, This shall be, when the Lord shall give you in the evening flesh to eat, and in the morning bread to the full; for that the Lord heareth your murmurings which ye murmur against him: and what are we? your murmurings are not against us, but against the Lord."  Exodus 16:8.  This struck me because it is so true.  Everything we have from our water to our cars to the bread and pasta in our cupboards.  It is all given to us by the Lord.  When we complain about what we have (or don't), we're not complaining to no one in particular, we're not complaining to our husbands, we're complaining against our God. 

It's true that I haven't had a bathroom for a year, but I HAVE had alternatives that work well.  Last January, we did lose our furnace on new year's day and were without any heat for 2 weeks while the new one was shipped and installed.  We were chilly, BUT we did have means to make it warm enough.  There are times when I'm tired of the mice and not being able to hang things on our walls, but I have walls and a roof.  It's also a cheap house which allows us to put our money into more important things, like the IVF we need to grow our family and pay off our student loans.

This topic goes right along with my previous "daily pondering" of being content.  I am going to work very hard to feel contentment and avoid ALL complaining.  This will be harder than it sounds as I'm going to try to clean my thoughts of complaints as well and try to find the lessons and blessings in life's challenges. 
Wife to Trevor for 16 years and SAHM to Maisie (4) Liam (4) Aedric (1) Harold (1)

Offline Leahsgarden

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2013, 01:39:24 PM »
Maybe when you catch yourself complaining, you can try to find a praise or blessing to counteract it? It's hard work to redirect the mind.

Right now, Chris is "complaining" that he's stuck in a classroom for 1.5 hours, filling in for the professor, when he could be working on his thesis instead. I'm trying to remind him that he is working - he's earning his paycheck right now. :)

And not to say that I always see the positive myself... I was having a rough couple weeks, mostly in regards to the pregnancy. But the bad and low moments do help me see that I'm having it better right now. That I've managed to correct several nutritional issues that now allow me to go through the days with less naps.
...Leah
wife to Chris
Mommy to Caleb, Logan, & Josie

Offline Rooney

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2013, 01:52:55 PM »
Shelley,
I too have a problem with this one.  Even when things aren't really that bad.  Complaining seems to be the way I choose.  My most used one's are "I'm tired," "We are never going to get this done!,"(it has taken us 9 years to complete our home from the ground up ourselves, sometimes working all the way through the nights for months at a time), and "I don't feel good," which is usually from not enough sleep.  Maybe if I could think before speaking more often, then maybe I wouldn't complain about whatever is going on at the time.  Hubby hardly ever complains.  I guess he figures I do enough for the both of us. ;)

Offline Shelly

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2013, 01:54:28 PM »
Leah,

I'm glad to know that you've been finding some ways to find comfort in your last weeks of pregnancy.  I remember at the end of mine, I would just cry because walking hurt so badly.  I did find some relief by visiting my chiropractor who did some adjustments on my pubic bones (boy did that ever help) but carrying over 12 pounds of babies plus fluid and all that other stuff sure made it difficult and there was just no way to be really comfortable.  i hope these last bits go smoothly for you.

It is going to be difficult to change my thoughts.  I'm hoping that journaling will help there.  Also, I've heard of some people snapping a rubber band every time they had a thought they didn't want to try to retrain the brain.  I'm thinking I'm going to just add a rubber band to my wrist every time i catch myself.  Then hopefully over the weeks, I'll have to wear them less and less.  I'll have to think on that and see if I can come up with anything better.
Wife to Trevor for 16 years and SAHM to Maisie (4) Liam (4) Aedric (1) Harold (1)

Offline Shelly

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2013, 01:56:54 PM »
Lindsay,

You know, my husband hardly complains either.  Maybe it comes easier to men?  I don't know about that, but I'm sure going to try to be more like him!
Wife to Trevor for 16 years and SAHM to Maisie (4) Liam (4) Aedric (1) Harold (1)

Offline Leahsgarden

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2013, 02:13:34 PM »
I think there's also ways to state the less positive stuff without *complaining* about it. Right now, I can say that Logan is being exhausting. It's not a positive statement... but nor am I trying to gripe about how fussy he's been for the last 12 hours. I know in a week or two, it's going to be rather minor and I'll simply look back as today being an exhausting day. :)

And not quite 12 pounds... but my midwife thinks this baby is gonna top to 10. :D
...Leah
wife to Chris
Mommy to Caleb, Logan, & Josie

Offline Shelly

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2013, 02:21:44 PM »
Oh dear, Leah!  At least I was able to push mine out one at a time.  I can't imagine a 10 pounder! 
Wife to Trevor for 16 years and SAHM to Maisie (4) Liam (4) Aedric (1) Harold (1)

Offline menifeemom

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2013, 02:25:45 PM »
I have been struggling with this one for a long time.  I complained so much that I stopped really hearing myself and how negative I was.  Then I began to hear it from my girls and knew I was setting a very bad example for them.  A dear friend gave me a beautiful journal and pen and challenged me to use it to write down at least 5 things I am grateful for every day.  Focusing on all my blessings instead of my frustrations has helped me a lot.  I got in the habit and now have my kids do it with me during our devotion time.  We then thank the Lord for those blessings when we open our day in prayer.  It is helping us a lot.

Offline Rooney

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2013, 02:33:23 PM »
I think there's also ways to state the less positive stuff without *complaining* about it. Right now, I can say that Logan is being exhausting. It's not a positive statement... but nor am I trying to gripe about how fussy he's been for the last 12 hours. I know in a week or two, it's going to be rather minor and I'll simply look back as today being an exhausting day. :)

And not quite 12 pounds... but my midwife thinks this baby is gonna top to 10. :D
Leah,
10 pounds plus! :o  Best of luck with it!  My last one was 9 pounds 2 ounces and for a person my size and frame that was not easy.  Listen to that.....more complaining. ;)

Offline Shelly

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2013, 02:38:23 PM »
menifeemom, That must have been difficult to hear from your children.  I'm hoping to curb this before my kids start getting into the habit.  They're not even 2 yet, so that's good for me.  Thank you for sharing your experience on this topic.
Wife to Trevor for 16 years and SAHM to Maisie (4) Liam (4) Aedric (1) Harold (1)

Offline Leahsgarden

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2013, 03:46:42 PM »
In my favor, Logan was 9 pounds 7 ounces... so only half a pound more to 10. I'm also tall (5'10") and large boned. And my mom pushed out baby #4 at 10 pounds and 2oz and she's only 5'6" and not large boned. No gestational diabetes either, just tall people in our family. :)
« Last Edit: September 26, 2013, 03:47:36 PM by Leahsgarden »
...Leah
wife to Chris
Mommy to Caleb, Logan, & Josie

Offline fishermanwife

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Re: Complaining
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2013, 12:18:29 PM »
I noticed awhile back that I complain all the time I have been really trying to not be a negative person or just to keep it to myself. I complain all the time about the weather, income, food, other people, house, you name it its on the list. And now my oldest daughter12 came home last Friday saying her friend left in middle of school and the office told her she was going to a shelter hearing. Abby had never told me her friend was in foster care she said I didn't know(we have sheltered them too much) she just said she didn't live with her mom anymore bc she drinks too much. So her best friend was sent to live with an aunt in another town even though shes not really able to take care of her. Im just praying the little girl is safe and can find a home to love her and stay. It kills me that I complain about stupid stuff and I cant do anything about this little girl or all the other children needing homes.
Norma in Southeast Oklahoma. Wife to Steven, mommy to Abby 16, Keagan 14, Trenten 10, Ollie 7.