I hadn't been attending my church for 3 years. I left for various reasons that don't matter right now. I've worked through them, got my questions answered and have been trying to find my way back. Many feel that they can be spiritual and this is enough. I see nothing wrong with that, but for me, I needed to return. Because of the nature of my religion, I needed to go.
I have been studying the scriptures on my own for a while now. I've been feeling urges to read on certain topics and have let myself be led rather than read straight through. Some of my previous postings in this board section have been from those study sessions I've had. There have been a few things specifically that have been on my mind the last couple months. The first is the state of the US and how uncertain the future is for us here. It's a scary time to live and it feels that things have been changing rapidly over the last year and I've been feeling panicky. I've been picturing no electricity, stores shut down, looters, and the government going door to door collecting guns, leaving us helpless. I know that the Lord always provides to those who are faithful, but I was still scared out of my mind.
Another thing that has been heavy on my heart is that now that I have been attending church meetings again, I'd like to bring my children as well. Having 21 month old twins makes this difficult when you are by yourself. Trevor has no interest in anything church related at this time, which is fine, that's where he is in his mind right now, but it makes it difficult for me. I could leave them home, but I didn't want to. I want them there. In real life, I am an extreme introvert. Extreme! The thought of asking someone else to help me with the kids twisted my stomach in knots. During the first hour of church (ours runs 3 hours) the children are with their families. I know many churches have separate nurseries; ours does not during the first hour. It is believed that the little children benefit being with the whole family during that time. It has hurt my heart trying to decide what to do. I was extremely torn.
The last thing I've felt is that I'm such a tiny insignificant person in this world. How could I matter to God? How could He possibly care about 1 person with seemingly tiny insecurities. I've also been extremely lonely. I have prayed over these problems, but wondered if they would even be heard. Is anyone truly there?
This morning, my neighbor who is also a member of my church (and by church, I mean and really should say religion) invited me to bring the twinkies over to play with her daughter. As the kids were playing, she said that this past weekend she didn’t know why, but she had an overwhelming feeling she needed to talk to me. She then proceeded to tell me that she felt she needed to tell me that if I wanted to come to church and bring the twins, she and her husband could help me wrangle them during meetings since they only had 1 child themselves, we’d be 3 on 3. I immediately started to cry. How she knew that this had been a problem and worried me, let me know that my prayer had been heard.
She then proceeded to tell me she had been wondering if we could set up a weekly play date for the kids so we could have some social time as well. Again, my prayer had been heard.
Then she told me about how she had been worried about the safety in our country and how things were turning south so fast. This past weekend was my church's general conference. We have them twice a year and the leaders speak on various topics. One of the speakers spoke about the safety of our nation. I had watched and read his talk last night and my neighbor said that she had been relieved to hear his words. He was very optimistic about the future said that it is our spirituality that we need to keep guarded right now and that temporally, we will be kept safe as long as we have the Lord centered in our homes. I have been kept up at nights with worry over the last couple months, with tears even. I am an LDS woman. In our history, the early pioneers who were faithful, were still chased out of their homes and many many were killed or died on the trek westward. In my mind, I had images of something similar happening again, not because of religion, but because of where the world is going. I imagined many faithful people of many religions suffering and I worried about my family who is spread all over the US. Not everyone will have the same beliefs or fears as I do, and that's totally fine. This was just one of my fears. What this man had to say certainly filled me with peace.
3 times this morning I was shown that my prayers had been heard and answered. It doesn't matter what religion we are or how we practice, nor does it matter if the answer is what we want to hear or not. What matters is that we're not too insignificant nor too tiny to matter. He knows each of us and He does hear when we pray.
